Over the past decade there has been a lot of talk about immigration reform. On one side we have mindless liberals clamoring for "amnesty" while the other side is filled by mindless conservatives screaming "send 'em home." Yes, both sides of the traditional American Political landscape are lead by mindless bafoons looking to treat symptoms of our current immigration framework, rather than the real problem. I propose a National Shit List immigration policy as the only workable long term alternative to mindless bafoonery.
The National Shit List will contain a list of people who are not to be allowed into the country. No groups will be listed. Only individuals who've behaved in a manner inconsistent with our national mores. It will be used to determine who's allowed into the United States of America, and who's turned back. This will allow us to make border crossing much more efficient. Facial Recognition will be used to determine if the individual crossing the border is on the Shit List. If they are not on the Shit List, the big LCD Screen flashes "Welcome to America, please step to the next window." Then the next person in line is processed.
Now I can hear the clamors from the Right already. What about the burden this will put on our infrastructure and social services? Here's how we handle it. As each person is granted entry they are assigned an immigration officer with whom they are required to check in every 6 months. This if they fail to check in, we send a tactical unit after them, and upon apprehension we immediately deport them. If they go to the hospital and don't pay the bill, we immediately deport them. If they use any government social service we immediately deport them. If they are convicted of a crime we immediately deport them. If they don't use social services, don't commit crimes, don't skip on their hospital bills, and other wise don't abuse their status as welcome guest, we shake their hand, ask them how they're enjoying their stay, and send them on their way, after setting an appointment for their next visit to the immigration officer. Basically, if they act like a dip shit they go on the Shit List and we kick their ass out. Otherwise, we embrace them as guests and members of our society. Hopefully that's enough for the rational Lefties to put their picket signs down.
So, on to the next element of the National Shit List as immigration policy. This enables a way better solution to border security than any damned physical fence. Now we just need to place automated machine guns along our borders that shoot at any human crossing outside a border checkpoint. Since we've streamlined the access process and eliminated obstacles to entry for those not on the Shit List, anyone attempting to cross outside a border checkpoint may be assumed to be on the Shit List. Now we can just shoot them and leave their rotting corpse as a warning to the next jack ass on the Shit List who thinks he can sneak in. Border security solved.
Why would we want all these immigrants? Well, we're a nation of immigrants (mostly) and we're at our best we share our diverse perspectives and work together to tackle challenges. We want those who aren't looking for an easy path to come and join us.
As another benefit of this policy, documenting those in the country should be easier. We tell everyone who's hear illegally (undocumented, if you prefer) toleave and come back stop by an immigration office and register so long as their not on the Shit List. Or hell, stop by an immigration office to get your immigration officer assigned. As long as you're not on the Shit List now, you get a clean slate. Abuse our hospitality in the future and things will change, but be someone we can be proud to call neighbor, and stay as long as you like. Hell, if you've been here a while and have been participating in our society, we'll even let you apply for citizenship. This eliminates the need for multiple visa types, reducing the cost of administering immigration, eliminates the need to track visa expirations, reducing the cost of administration, and reduces the need for border patrol agents (automated machine gun turrets don't have families to support so they don't need cost of living wage adjustments).
So, my suggestion for resolving the immigration issue is the National Shit List (NSL for Short).
Please comment with concerns, questions, or suggestions. Let's get back to being a melting pot. Support the National Shit List.
The National Shit List will contain a list of people who are not to be allowed into the country. No groups will be listed. Only individuals who've behaved in a manner inconsistent with our national mores. It will be used to determine who's allowed into the United States of America, and who's turned back. This will allow us to make border crossing much more efficient. Facial Recognition will be used to determine if the individual crossing the border is on the Shit List. If they are not on the Shit List, the big LCD Screen flashes "Welcome to America, please step to the next window." Then the next person in line is processed.
Now I can hear the clamors from the Right already. What about the burden this will put on our infrastructure and social services? Here's how we handle it. As each person is granted entry they are assigned an immigration officer with whom they are required to check in every 6 months. This if they fail to check in, we send a tactical unit after them, and upon apprehension we immediately deport them. If they go to the hospital and don't pay the bill, we immediately deport them. If they use any government social service we immediately deport them. If they are convicted of a crime we immediately deport them. If they don't use social services, don't commit crimes, don't skip on their hospital bills, and other wise don't abuse their status as welcome guest, we shake their hand, ask them how they're enjoying their stay, and send them on their way, after setting an appointment for their next visit to the immigration officer. Basically, if they act like a dip shit they go on the Shit List and we kick their ass out. Otherwise, we embrace them as guests and members of our society. Hopefully that's enough for the rational Lefties to put their picket signs down.
So, on to the next element of the National Shit List as immigration policy. This enables a way better solution to border security than any damned physical fence. Now we just need to place automated machine guns along our borders that shoot at any human crossing outside a border checkpoint. Since we've streamlined the access process and eliminated obstacles to entry for those not on the Shit List, anyone attempting to cross outside a border checkpoint may be assumed to be on the Shit List. Now we can just shoot them and leave their rotting corpse as a warning to the next jack ass on the Shit List who thinks he can sneak in. Border security solved.
Why would we want all these immigrants? Well, we're a nation of immigrants (mostly) and we're at our best we share our diverse perspectives and work together to tackle challenges. We want those who aren't looking for an easy path to come and join us.
As another benefit of this policy, documenting those in the country should be easier. We tell everyone who's hear illegally (undocumented, if you prefer) to
So, my suggestion for resolving the immigration issue is the National Shit List (NSL for Short).
Please comment with concerns, questions, or suggestions. Let's get back to being a melting pot. Support the National Shit List.
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